I would use my mouth as a weapon to get my way and hurt others when they hurt me! It was something I grew up seeing. I seen that it worked, so I tried it. For me, it worked for so long than trouble began to follow.
When I was really wounded and insecure. I would find joy in talking about others. I guess, you could say that I was glad to find out what other people’s flaws were to distract myself from my own. I didn’t want no one to hear about my flaws because I grew up being reminded of them constantly.
I would sit on the phone all day and talk about what others had on, what needed to be fix on them, and how they needed to make better decisions in their life. I thought talking about others was entertaining. In fact, I had friends that were doing the same thing; in which gossip became a big deal in my life.
It was not right, but I got attention that I always desired to have. I wanted others to see me and recognize my gifts. The funny thing is that I got the reaction I wanted but the people didn’t see my true self.
I even enjoyed watching shows that portrayed a lot of gossip especially reality shows. I would get fed from those shows and apply it subconsciously in my mind . Later in my life, I found myself reacting to situations the same way some of reality shows did. I was applying what I saw to my own reality.
Proverbs 11:13 CEV reveals what gossip is, “A gossip tells everything, but a true friend will keep a secret.”
The funny thing is whenever I told a story out of emotion, I discovered that I was gossiping. Gossiping is a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others (Merriam-Webster).
Growing up with the women in my family that was all they would do is gossip on the phone. I heard gossip at work, school, public settings, and television. So much I began to believe that gossiping was a casual conversation of expression.
My spouse would point out to me all the time by cutting off the conversation and telling me “I don’t wanna hear this. This is gossip.” I would get so frustrated but within I knew he telling the truth. I felt it something I had to do as a woman because so much of us do it.
I would cover it up and say I was expressing myself. My spouse pointing out my flaw brought on some embarrassment that contributed to my frustration. Giving my life to Jesus, I began to understand that it was not fun at all to talk about others, but it also reflected how I felt within. I wanted to uplift others not tear them down.
I didn’t like the effect of what my mouth was causing others to feel. I knew I was better than that, which lead me to change for the better. It was a hard task, but I learned from my mistakes.
I had to do some repentance for making the same decision more than once to use my mouth as a weapon to hurt and not using it as tool to help. With hopes that you can learn from my mistakes and decisions, I came up with 5 effects of gossiping:
1.You Reap What You Sow
This is an older, but wise phrase that many use to explain Karma. I cannot tell you how many times my mouth has gotten me in to trouble.
Proverbs 18:20-21 CEV, “Make your words good— you will be glad you did. Words can bring death or life! Talk too much, and you will eat everything you say.”
Not recognizing the power of my mouth allowed me to speak things against others lives judging them and God made it that I ate everything I said about others or what I wouldn’t allow to happen in my own life.
I believe God allowed me to eat what I said because I was talking with no references and pasting judgement at the same time. I was indulging in negative energy, which my mouth was opening more negative energy into my life. If Karma is done right, you won’t have to worry about doing the same thing over and over again.
2.Promotes Harm Against Others
I feel that one of worst feelings to have is watch your words destroy others emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually especially when you don’t understand the power of the tongue.
Proverbs 11:12 CEV, “It’s stupid to say bad things about your neighbors. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet.”
The interesting thing was I was not sensible, in fact I would say the first that pops in my head not caring about other’s feelings, but more focus on being “real”.
The longer I noticed I was making others cry or feeling less than who they are with my gossiping; I gave them permission to question my character. I would say it’s best for us to be conscious of the words use, so we can speak life instead of death in others.
3.Destroying Possible Hope In Relationships
Relationships are important to have in life. The development of relationships allow you to change and grow, even if they served you the good, bad ,or the ugly in life. There is also nothing like letting your mouth destroy the hope in your relationships. I noticed everytime I felt overly emotional, I would get on the phone or meet up with a friend. I would began to vent everything.
Whether if it was about them or someone else that met less of my expectations. I would express so much that I became predictable to others and others began to lose hope in me keeping a secret without telling anyone.
Proverbs 29:11 KJV,”A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”
From others losing hope in our relationships allowed my re-evaluate myself and our relationship. I began to ask myself was gossiping really serving a purpose I wanted? What energy was I giving out with gossiping? Was that particular energy my true intentions?
Proverbs 17:9 CEV states, “You will keep your friends if you forgive them, but you will lose your friends if you keep talking about what they did wrong.”
This was definitely me! Please learn from my mistakes. Put more good into your relationships than the ugly. Hope is important aspect that follows along with trust. It helps you believe that the relationship serves a good purpose in your life.
Hope is important is relationship because hope help us survive bad or painful parts in our lives. Support is needed in life. It is best not to abuse the support you already have because it can be hard to find again.
5.Trust Becomes a Factor
Proverbs 20:19 CEV, states, “Stay away from gossips— they tell everything.”
Trust is a factor in any relationship. I would open my mouth about everything. It is evident that I could not hold water and be trusted with anything sacred. In any relationship, strength, reliability, and having the ability to confine in a confide is important in moving forward in your purpose.
I could not be trusted if I continued to run my mouth about everyone and everything. I value relationships a lot. They are very essential to me. I wanted to be trusted but I allowed my emotions to control my mouth. I use to think if I told everything then I could be trusted due to me not hiding the truth. I knew if I wanted to be trusted from others than it was time for me to began to change within so my actions could reflect what I truly wanted.
5. It Invites Trouble into Your Life
Proverbs 18:6-8 CEV states, “Foolish talk will get you into a lot of trouble. Saying foolish things is like setting a trap to destroy yourself. There’s nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip! It melts in your mouth.”
I expressed above that I use to enjoy foolish talking. My mouth opened the door for trouble to come. When you are living for God everything does not need to be exposed in your life, mind, body, and spirit. Our generation today, love exposing everything then we tend to get upset when others have opinions or place judgement on us. I’m guilty of doing the same thing. Being on both ends of the stick.
Doing some self-reflection I realize that my mouth was the reason why trouble would follow me with lies, rumors, manipulation, and sabotage from others. I opened my mouth and exposed everything of myself, which allows others to feel subjected to indulge in negative behavior that they felt they needed to do for whatever reason.
Proverbs 20:15 CEV states,”Sensible words are better than gold or jewels.”
I am understand perfectly just how using my mouth to bring love, peace, joy, hope, trust, and compassion to vital to my soul and the souls of others. After bumping my head multiple times and going through the same situation over and over again.
God showed me his grace and gave me a choice to use my mouth for the good of others or bad. I chose to use my mouth for the good. God rewards us when we are obedient consistently to his word showing us his unconditional love and magnificent grace!
I pray you use your mouth today to uplift others instead of tearing others down. It’s not worth the agony and regret. You deserve more! Learn from the confession of an once gossiping queen. I pray you allow yourself to be great today and began to become like
Proverbs 17:27-28 CEV that states, “It makes a lot of sense to be a person of few words and to stay calm. Even fools seem smart when they are quiet.”