Free Yourself Of Judging Self

No one like to walk around being judged or looked upon as being anything less than who we are. The unfortunate thing is that we judge ourselves all the times. 

We criticize ourselves about our looks,mindset, who we are, and our uniqueness. We call ourselves really terrible names like stupid, ugly, not worthy, or not good enough for self or others. 

We are living in a world, where judgement is the norm of the humanistic  experiences. We see on the news, gossip shows, other media content, family, friends, strangers, our workplace, and society (racism). Judging can be a large part of your reality especially if you do it too yourself on consistent basis.

When you are told so many times that you are not worthy or good enough especially individuals who were subjected to some sort of abuse as a child and adult hearing and seeing this is the norm for them. I feel its tolerated into too many places. 

    A lot of times many began to believe that’s who they are, which some began to develop the behavior of trying to be perfect or please of others so their perspective of self can be began to change due to the fact that many of us believe we get our sense of worthiness from others. 

I use to believe that so much, in fact it was hard for not to believe until I allowed Christ to be in my life. I would do anything to stop myself from being my true self so that others could feel good about themselves. I didn’t care if I suffered inside but as long as others were happy I was too. 

    Writing this statement makes me recognize my true growth. I would call myself all types of negative names except who God created me to be especially when I was subjected to cruel judgment by others especially family and  other authority figures. When you place your worthy in others, you will never began to recognize that you were meant to become whole within. 

   When you find your worth through Christ, you are aware and believe your worth comes from the Lord that you began run towards the journey of being whole because you know that its meant to be. 

1 Corinthians 11:31-32 CEV, “But if we were more discerning with regard to ourselves, we would not come under such judgment. Nevertheless, when we are judged in this way by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be finally condemned with the world.”

I like to say that God doesn’t judge us but he definitely will convict us, where many may feel judge because no one is use to hearing constructive criticism of themselves , which is promoted to produce change. We have to recognize the shadow that lies within us. 

    When we believe and stay focus on our worth through Christ and not our families, friends, and society. We will began comprehend that we are enough and worthy of having anything God says we can have.

When we place our worthiness based on our families, friends, and others; our worth is subjected to change so much that it can never be persistent. This allows you began to live out the dreams and goals of others. Where many of the times, you will end up in a place not feeling joy or fulfilled within. 

   We must to get to a point in ourselves, where we can examine ourselves by holding ourselves accountable but we don’t judge ourselves to the point of lower our own self-esteem and self-worth. The best test to pass of stopping the habit of judging yourself is positive affirmations and that you can do all things through Christ Jesus.

   Telling yourself that you are doing well with what you were given and in the capacity it was given. Recognizing that you did your best regardless of the outcome definitely take a long process to achieve. 

   It’s a process of stripping away anything or anyone who doesn’t serve you based on who God’s says you are. I mean, we were created by him, he knows us better than we know ourselves. You have to remind yourself so much until you began to believe it and advocate for your own self-worth when others began to judge you based on your actions.

   No one is perfect not even myself but we also cannot allow others to place us on that stance either because that’s an expectation that none of us could ever live up too. 

I began to discover the people and the circumstances I judge was a reflection of me judging myself. Telling myself I wasn’t worthy enough, pretty enough, good enough for anything God says I was. 

I am at a point of my life that I am aware of me judging others that I working on allowing my intuition to guide me more and not my thoughts. For when the heart is clean so is the mind. When you accept who you are, you began to love yourself more, and care about yourself more. What and how you feel within reflects the way you see others. 

I am beginning to recognize that we are all trying to find where we fit in this world. I believe it’s best to figure out, where we fit in with Christ, so he can began to make room within us by stripping us of anything less than who we are. 

    That time of freeing yourself of judgement and being your worst critic will only come when you get tired of living with your own dysfunction or mess, this is when true transformation spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially is able to occur through a process.

Allowing yourself to transform within allows you to change the way you see the world around you, which usually ends positively.  This is where you began discerns others based on their hearts rather than their actions, looks, and worth. 

The time speaks now to free yourself of judging self, so your reality in front can change. This is a point in your life, where you will never look back again because you are confident that good things are reaching before you. 

Balancing The Past, Present, & Future

       In the words of Oprah Winfrey, “Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.”

Let’s talk about what many seem to have issue with, which is balancing the past, present, and future. Some of us have faced some difficult situations of the past much like myself, which keeps a lot of us stuck from moving forward.

It would be ideal if I could admit that I have overcome and conquered this issue, but I am still a working progress.  I am a woman who tends to carry things, in fact I am quite good at carrying the weight of life. This is not always something to be proud of, but I am making room to be able to carry prosperous things of life instead of things from my past life that resulted in anger, frustration, lack of emotional support, and any other negative emotions.

The sad thing is that I carry the weight of past hurt, sorrow, anger in my womb and in my breast, which is heredity. Mostly, its anger, resentment, and frustration in my womb, which causes inflammation. Inflammation results to cyst and other fibrous disease. I have run into a number of women who suffer from the same issue especially our younger generation. When the mind is filled with pollution, so is the body.

I held on to pain because there were many times in my life, where I did not feel protected, worthy, honored or appreciated; which produced negative thoughts of myself and the people around me and the world.  It was what made me feel comfortable and strong. Where I did not need anyone to help me because the sincere emotional support was not there. You never realize how important the past truly is until you one day find your past hurt showing up in your present moment ruining the vision God had in mind for you.

I am woman who tends to carry the pain of her past in her womb, in which I am still walking my spiritual path taking one step at a time to release within the heart, mind, body, and soul, so all will be connected as one. This produces balanced within.  In the words of T.D. Jakes, I would consider myself to be an incubator, where I am a life giver, which is where my destiny lies. So, does yours.

  Philippians 3:13-14, “My friends, I don’t feel I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run towards the goal so I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done.”

I am learning that living through memories is not the best way to live, but learning to live through inspiration is the goal. What I mean by that is I must get to a position, where I began to love my present moment, appreciate the past for its lessons, and look to the future because better is coming.

This requires supporting my thoughts with positive affirmation letting myself know the God will always make a way. Balancing our past, present, and future is a process that will not be complete in one setting.

Once, you figure out what your purpose is on earth, then you will begin to understand how your past made an impact on your life, how the present moment is a gift of God’s Grace, and the future is also a reward. It is our thoughts and choices that manifest what our tomorrow will bring .

So, many of us stay focus on the story of our trauma (including myself) so much that we begin to believe it serves our identity. I began to understand that I held on to a story of my past for so long because I am a storyteller, who tells her story to overcome. I never gave myself the opportunity to do so because of fear, embrassment, and pride.  You are a storyteller too! The story of your past is released when you share your human experience with others here on earth.

Your present moment is enjoyed because resilience has set in, and your future looks bright because you gained more wisdom and joy in the process. The key is to be flexible in learning from yourself as you can with others. Understanding we will never get to definite point, where learning isn’t necessary. Learning produces  growth, which is vital for your past, present, and future!

The true balance of the past, present, and future is reaching towards your goals (God’s Promise) of your life. Whatever it is that God told was yours to have, where God will use the past to shape you, the present to love you, and the future to reward you.

The choice is yours. Learned to live in flair and laughter despite the atmosphere because light overpowers darkness any day. Set your intentions for your life and ensure that your thoughts stay focus onto what you hope to prosper. Meditated upon it, and keep pushing until your vision becomes your reality because we all know that a true King and Queen will always turn their Pain into Power.

The Time is Now To Add More Light To Our Darkness: Mental Health

Unfortunately, we have faced a lot of tragedies recently in the United States involving innocent people dying in the hands of one person due to mental health issues.  Like the recent California bar shooting this past week. We can walk around with fear and continue to go by our business speaking superficially about material possessions, titles, promotions, or Accolades. Or we can begin to look at ourselves and do the work within so another life can be spare. We must understand that darkness lives within all of us, where it may come easier to some than others.

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Embracing The Choices You Make: Free Yourself From Guilt and Regret

I battle with making the right choices all the time. I am aware that the choices I make will influence my present and future. Thinking about that concept can produce anxiety, but then I know and recognize that God is on your side. The odds can never be against me. I used to walk around with a large R and G on my chest. The G did not stand for God but it stood for Guilt. The R was not for righteousness, but it was for regret. Now, guilt can be advantage to bring forth self-awareness to your wrongful choices, but guilt can also be a disadvantage when you attach it to your identity based off the choice you made. We all make choices every second of the day, but there are many choices being made today among our society based off of ego. Read More

Trusting In God To Provide: Mind on Your Money Money on Your Mind

Have you ever feared of being broke that you ended up buying more than you need? How about spending more than you can afford with your credit cards? Do you shop based on what appeals to the eye? Are you living paycheck to paycheck? Are you a responsible spender? Do you overwork yourself just to sustain the material possessions for your lifestyle? If you answer yes to these questions than I would say you are suffering from the fear of lack and loss. I always had my mind on my money and money was on my mind (Snoop Dogg). This is a very stressful mindset to have because I could never appreciate what was in front of me. Read More

Self-management: Learning The Benefits of Accepting Accountablity For Yourself

Self-management is something you rarely see in others today. Self-management is management of or by oneself; or deciding to take of responsibility for one’s own behavior and well-being. We are a part of society, where everyone wants to play the blame game.

We blame our government, we blame our family issues, and we blame everything that is external of us for our life, actions, thoughts, attitude, and behavior. They may influence your life, but they cannot control your life unless you allow them too.

You have options. Many of us have never and probably will never take the time be still and  to truly begin to assess who we truly are within. I would be lying if I told you all that everyone isn’t fit to do it; but in fact, everyone is. The barrier that stands in everyone’s way is self! Many of us lack the patience or belief in who God says we truly are within. Read More

Learning To Live With Flair & Laughter

In the words of a Wise Queen Maya Angelou, “Determine to Live with Flair and Laughter”. Maya Angelou words of wisdom spoke to my soul, it speaks self-belief, confidence, self-esteem and courage. It speaks to my soul because a lot times I found myself living in less and living without flair and laughter. I would find myself moping, groaning, and complaining about things that did not show up as I expected in life.

I found it hard to praise God for God because he had given me less than what I expected. I had grown so accustomed to a childish concept that I told me that “more was better no matter what the circumstance was”. I had grown attached to my selfish attitude that manifested thoughts that said, “I want what I want, and nothing less.” If I got less than what I expected, I would moan and groan, and began to find ways to manipulate circumstances to get what I desire.

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Embracing The Flow of Life: Embrace What’s Here Now And Allow the Wind to Move you In the Right Direction

Wouldn’t life be better if we were able to plan our own life and depend on our own understanding? wouldn’t life be great if we were able to get everything we wanted and desired to have? Or imagine life being so great that we could have everything our way and no other way. If you agree with the statements above I am sure that you have a hard time embracing the flow of life.

Well, to being honest with you all. I had a hard time going with the flow of life also. I had to know exactly what was going on so I could make the decision rather or not the circumstance was right for me. Having control was inherited from my family and trauma I experienced. Read More

You Deserve The Hope You Yearn For


There is nothing more frighten than facing a difficult situation in life with no sense of direction, guidance, and instructions. God knew what he was doing when he created me! God created me so I would always depend on his direction, guidance, and instruction no matter what situation was. The problem from past experiences was that I would relie deeply on others to direct, guide, and instruct me into the path I was desired to go. When I was looking for others to help me, I would  either get bamboozled, mislead, or misguided.

It took countless situations and circumstances for me to understand that it was not meant for me to be guided, lead, and instructed by others. It was time for me to allow Jesus to lead me to places I could never dream of. Thinking about this was a bit frighten for me because I have always presented myself to be self-sufficient, where I thought I could only rely on my own thoughts and wisdom. Not knowing that I was being feed by my own ego; but I was also not allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me in all areas in my life.

Facing countless situations, where my time was wasted or I spent most of my time focusing on too many things at once. I began to lose hope in life and present situations because things in my life appeared to be too hard for me to handle. I lost many battles with quitting things in life too soon such as personal romantic relationships, business ideas, and networking opportunities. I was tired of taking L’s (losses) in life, where I knew my life was not set up for me to follow my own path, but to finally time for me to allow God to guide, lead and instruct me all areas of my life.  Here are five ways I gained hope in life:


It’s a simple concept that many tend to take for granted including myself. The world is full of hopeless situations, but if you don’t remember anything from this blog post. Remember all you must do is believe. Believe in the Higher One, the One who created you and believe that your life serves a great purpose. There should be a sense of relieve within to know that you were created for a time such as now. I call my higher one God or Jesus, but I feel everyone has a different interpretation of who their higher power is.

2.Set Your Intentions for the Situation or Circumstance

You will go through many different and difficult situations in life, but you must always make sure that your intentions correspond to the outcome you aspire to have. Your intentions create your reality and it manifest the vision you dream to have. The soul knows what it wants and needs.  You must be still enough to allow your soul to connect with your inner-knowing to live out your desire outcome. Trust your current situation or circumstance may be overbearing for another person, but this different situation or circumstance was designed for your life to help you grow and develop into your higher self. You deserve to raise not sink!

 3.Raise with Faith

One of my beloved bible verses that helped me get through some very hard situations is  Hebrews 11:1,“Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. “Faith corresponds with hope. Your faith can be size of a mustard seed and God will still extend his Grace to you.  Have faith in God that your struggle is shaping you into the person, you prayed God to create you to be. Have faith that you will find another job that better suits who you are.

Have faith that you find true love in your life because you are worthy of having all you deserve to have plus some.  Have faith today that God has not forsaken you in this heart-aching situation. Have faith that you were born to be a champion, who wins every battle that heads your way.

4.Reorganize and Restructure Your Plan

When stress began to raise above your head with your family, financials, and job, it may be a great opportunity to start restructuring and reorganizing your life. Your life now may have come into a season, where you can no longer complete a task in the same way and get a different outcome. Our lives are meant to be versatile. When we are open to versatile our creativity within began to develop. You were born to fly not sunk. Begin to create some structure and order into your life, so that things in your life will began to go more smoothly. You deserve peace. Creating order, structure, and organization will help you create the peace you needed within.

 5.Pray and Push Through

I had to save the best for last because I wanted to emphasis the importance of praying and pushing your way through. Hope requires prayer and pushing your way through even when the situation looks daunting. We deserve to see what life can offer us. There have been countless times in my life, where life looked very daunting. I had no choice but to pray my way through because I had no one around who could understand me. I refused to give up. Instead of staying low; I decided to raise above and pray to God.

I knew he was my only option, who could help me see my way through. I guarantee God will help you push and see your way through also. I don’t care what anyone has told you, but God is a great investment to consider. You will always profit from the decisions and actions from him because he holds the greatest interest of life.

Whether you believe it or not. It takes believing in yourself to know that there is a bigger calling and purpose upon your life; it takes your intentions to set the tone of your situation; it takes Faith to sustain your belief system of reaching for those things that are before us; It is reorganization and restructuring to help you prepare for the new that wants to blossom in your life; and finally, it takes prayer and pushing through to help you to become open to the miracles that God believe you deserve in your life.

Be purposeful today and allow the spirit of Hope to guide, direct, and instruct you in all areas of your life. In the words of Hebrew 10:23 CEV, “WE MUST HOLD TIGHTLY TO THE HOPE WE SAY IS OURS. AFTER ALL, WE CAN TRUST THE ONE WHO MADE THE AGREEMENT WITH US. Hope is meant for our keepsake nothing less.

De-Clutter Your Space: Less Is Better Than More

I was a shopaholic, where I felt I needed to buy whatever caught my eye. Since I was traveling in a lustful stage in my life, every piece of clothing that caught my eye I bought to feel worthy within my presence state of being. If it was not clothing; it was food, and other unnecessary materials. 

  Since I healed from the feelings of being unworthy and unfulfilled; I was stuck with a lot of clutter in my home. I began to discover that having less was much better than more! It was less stressful, I had less anxiety, there was less maintenance, and I gained peace by just deciding to de-clutter my space.

I couldn’t wait to sit with peace after throwing away the clutter that was meant to leave. The time was coming to let go of what was and began to embrace what is in my life. For the old served its purpose in my life, but now it was time for me to embrace the new!  Read More

Healing Effectively: Changing The Narrative You Tell Yourself

   The entire process of healing can be long and painful, but healing is necessary to produce fruit within the soul. A lot of people would rather avoid  painful situations and circumstances in life because of the connection or attachment that they carry to the pain. 

     Sometimes something can hurt so badly that you began to attach the pain with fear of lack and loss. We all know we gain something from pain, but there also apart of us that dies. It seems like we focus so much on the fear of lack and loss but we never get a chance to embrace what we gain.  Read More

Putting God First: Walking Towards Interdependence And Running Away From Independence

     Growing up as a black girl and into a black woman; independent was what I thought I needed to be! I wanted to be independent so badly that Neyo’s song “Miss Independent” became my theme song. 

     I mean, many of the women in my family played the role really well. Being a single woman and mother on her own and making ends meets by any means necessary looked like power from a concrete perspective. 

   Having my own and building my own seemed ideal. When pain showed up in my life; independence became apart of my identity! I think that independence as an notion is an illusion that was created through sorrow and pain! It was promoted in society to embrace our ego and gain power in areas that we felt we were weak or taken advantage of in society. 

   I thought I was born to be independent because I was the only child growing up. I was taught not to depend on a man, friends,or strangers in general. As a kid, growing I didn’t know who to really trust. When abuse showed up, being independent only intensified. 

   I depended on the notion of being independent so bad that I wouldn’t allow myself to ask for help when I needed it. I didn’t want others to see how incapable I was of doing anything. Choosing to be independent taught me that pride was my hero, ego was my guardian, and arrogance was the true act of self love. 

  I had grown to be so independent that when someone came across being too nice me that I was not use too; I would instantly think that they needed something from me or they were coming to take something from me. 

   Independence sold me the ideation that I was free from the outside world and no one could control me. I felt I didn’t have to depend on authority, which I questioned a lot! My arrogance always told me that I was more fit for any job than others in any situation. 

   Independence began to ruin the relationships in my life because I wouldn’t  balance the concept of receiving and giving in my relationships (reciprocation). With so many of my relationships on thin ice, I knew it was time for me to make a decision that would involve sacrificing my independence for relationships. 

      It wasn’t until I was introduced to interdependence is when I began thank God for second chances. Interdependence is when one or more people depend on one another. The prefix of inter means between, mutually, or reciprocal. The prefix of in- is no or not. 

     Interdependence takes the stamina away from our generation of being submissive to anyone appointed with authority. The concept allows us to understand that real relationships; free from a fractured heart requires interdependence because a union is better than one in many cases in life. 

      Interdependence allowed me to understand that it was ok to be vulnerable and admit I need help. God relies on interdependence than independence. Interdependence involves less worrying, stressing ,and anxiousness. 

  When you think about it, there aren’t many relationships in life that truly require us to be independent. We adapt  independence to many areas in our life and wonder why we are sworn illness, disease, and disorders. 

     A relationship with God is more about interdependence than independent. In fact, we weren’t meant to hold on or carry the weight,pressure, and velocity of this world. We were meant to be of this world not in, which means we should always stand out in the crowd. 

Interdependence allowed me to recognize how important it was for me to live a selfless life. Interdependence also showed me how fulfilling it was to know that I was protected and being provided for as long I stayed in my own lane. 

     Putting God first in everything I did in life allowed me to discover that interdependence gave me more spiritual freedom and independence gave me egotistic freedom. Independence kept me bounded and interdependence taught there was more power in being selfless than selfish! 

Taking Ownship of The SHADOW Within

I believe the hardest things I ever had to face was the shadow that lies within me. The shadow represents the dark area within us that lacks light! So, you know I use to have a issue with being a perfectionist, which meant I never saw my flaws. 

I definitely saw the flaws in others, but not myself! In fact, in many cases in life I refused to do so, and I grew comfortable not wanting to focus on what I lacked in life. When I was exposed to my flaws; I would disguised them pride, ego, lies, and with defensiveness. 

  I could not imagine facing my flaws so I would hide my body with baggy clothes, closed my mouth to the truth, became blind to what’s was in front of me, detached myself from emotions, and distance myself from giving affection to those I truly loved the most! 

I was starting to head towards a journey filled with numbness,detachment,and low self-esteem. I told myself that this was who I would be to protect myself from the fear of the unknown. The funny thing about it, I grew accustomed to those characteristics that I began to attached them to my identity. 

       When God delivered me it was a long process for me to detach from those features. It was hard because I found out I had another attribute hiding deep down within me, which was control. Control was the root of all my issues in life. Read More

Good Things Take Time

As a Kid, I strongly disliked for the adults in my family to tell me to wait until my food digest, so that I could have dessert. As far as I could remember, it has always been difficult for me to wait for good things to happen to me. I could never understand why I couldn’t just have the good things now; and why I couldn’t have my gift now that I knew worked so hard to earn.

Some would say that the adults in my family did the right thing by withholding my dessert until I had more room to receive.  Some would say that the adults in my family should have given me the dessert because it was something that I truly wanted and I worked so hard to eat all the food that was given to me. Both perspectives can be thought through Thoroughly and great arguments can be developed and considered.

       I grew up so accustomed to being impatient that being patient never seem like a goal that I would ever get to achieve. So, I would settle for just a enough to get by or settle for less than what I deserve because I felt I had the power to change the external things around me or a person into my own favor (manipulation) . I grew accustomed to microwave meals as adult even though I grew up with well-prep meals made from the oven. Read More

You Are Free To Become

        I thought the true vision of being free to become was wild, reckless, and rebellious because I didn’t agree with the order and structure within my workplace, family, relationships, and society. I knew within that I didn’t have to live my life the way others attended too. I knew I deserve more and others around did too. 

       Most of the time, I chose to try to change others before focusing on self. That obviously didn’t work. Now, that I look at it; I was being really lazy! I knew it would take some hard work, effort, and dedication to change within to be free to become. At the same time, it’s seemed more easy to change others than myself. In fact, it was quite the opposite. 

     The true meaning of being free to become doesn’t come in the size, capacity, length, and depth that we anticipate most of the time. There are different aspects of being free to become within, in which all have to be in alignment to God’s words upon your life.        Read More

You Are Your Only Limit In Life!

We currently live in a society, where we like to place the blame on everyone who hurt us or wounded us badly. We allow shame to steal our joy, doubt to steal our peace, worry to steal our power, and we allow fear to control us. All in which are meant to destroy us! 

  I’m guilty of allowing all of those vices to constantly withdraw from my account within until life left me in a negative balance.  It took me to have a negative balance in my bank account for me to listen to God speak. My account had overdraft because there were too many withdrawals in my life and not enough deposits.  Read More

5 Ways To Deal With Difficult People

With all of the drama occurring in the White House, drama in our neighborhoods, drama even in our households, and our workplace.       Dealing with difficult people happens to be a reoccurring situation that happens on a daily basis. Everyone is stressed and overwhelmed. You end up dealing others people’s issues as they are yelling, screaming, cursing, and displaying rudeness.

So coming across a difficult person may be quite common than unusual, which is the sad part. I have dealt with many circumstances with dealing with difficult people in my life, in which I constantly try to raise above the mess they carry around. Raising above also protects yourself from the energy that others display and stop it from transferring over to you. Here are five ways to deal with difficult people: Read More

The Power of Silence: Protecting What’s Yours

Excitement begins to fill the heart with joy and then anxiousness begins to creep in to your heart when a new and exciting phenomenon has entered into your life. Anxiousness allows you to run–speaking too soon. It’s in that moment, when it’s always best to pause and listen to what excitement is trying to tell you rather than to react right away.

I would coincide my feeling of excitement with anxiousness all the time. Excitement is a great feeling of eagerness and enthusiasts about a point in time. Anxiousness is a mental state of distress or uneasiness when operating in fear.

Have you ever had something great happen to you or a great idea; and the first thought you had was to run and tell someone the great thing(s) you experienced? The response you receive is either blah, dry, or negative? It’s in that moment that you begin to recognize that maybe it was best to keep what you had for yourself and not for others.

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What I Gained From Oprah & Deepak’s 21 Day Meditation

It’s scientifically proven that it takes the mind 21 days to develop an habit. Meditation is a good habit to implement into your life. Oprah And Deepak’s 21 Day Meditation is a great place to start. 

     Practicing stillness is vital for the spirit to connect with God and your higher self. I was in process of becoming into my own; stillness and peace was what I needed in order shed the old and began to live in the new. 

   I was at point in my life, where I was facing many trials and tribulations. I was heading into change but I was afraid to endure it!  I was nervous because of what life had already given me, and what life was awaiting to offer me. I was functioning in the spiritual realm with hopes of manifesting my true desires in life. I just did not know how to do it.  Read More

The Confessions Of A Gosipping Queen

   I would use my mouth as a weapon to get my way and hurt others when they hurt me! It was something I grew up seeing. I seen that it worked, so I tried it. For me, it worked for so long than trouble began to follow. 

   When I was really wounded and insecure. I would find joy in talking about others. I guess, you could say that I was glad to find out what other people’s flaws were to distract myself from my own.  I didn’t want no one to hear about my flaws because I grew up being reminded of them constantly.  Read More

Watching The Leaves Grow: Good Things Take Time!

“ Time is money,” which is a slogan the Hip Hop culture tends to proclaim. There are many different interpretations to this phrase, but what does it truly mean? I believe it speak differently to people; but what comes to my mind is that time is valuable and you must move in a fast pace to reach your goals. Being honest, I lived by that concept a lot.

    Being broke, not having much to live on or survive. It’s so easy to develop a hustler’s mentality, which you have to “ bust moves” before the next person does, or hurry up to collect thing living with the fear of lack and loss.  Anxiety begins to creep up when you are unable to complete things at certain time frame. Read More

Becoming Mindful Of The Energy I Give Out

We have to be careful of the energy that we send to others. As you turn on the television, you will began to see a lot of negative energy or fearful energy sent from the news or reality shows. It’s so easy to focus on your own desires and shunned out the desires of others. Especially when we are filled up with pain and sorrow. Hurt people hurt people. 

       When you are recovering from past mistakes, others mistakes placed on you, family issues, or work issues. Your mind is trying to learn a new way of handling things. It can become easy to believe those old thoughts and repeat old habits and repeat the same cycle that contributes to your current situation.  Read More

4 Ways To Change Successfully

Change is vital in life. The older we get the more it seems harder to embrace change. The definition of change is an act of becoming someone different.  Now embracing the uniqueness in others is now becoming a trend among our society. It’s good being different from others . I mean even 2 Chainz the Rapper embraced the concept of being different by making a song called I’m Different. 

      If we can began to embrace the concept of being different as society then why is it still hard to embrace change? In hindsight, change should be something we should be able to flow with in life. We should be as excited about change because it allows us to walk in newness of life; which means our past is literally gone. It’s gone until we make a decision to not allow it back in our life. I hope you decide not to do so.  Read More

The Downfall Of Having Expectations: Leaning Not on My Own Understanding

       I always felt that having expectations was essential to the manifestation of life. If I expected, then I shall receive? The true definition of expectations is having a strong belief that something will happen in the near future. 

       I thought expectations worked because they were placed on me as a child, but being honest with my self! I hated when expectations were placed on me because most of the time I knew I could not reach up too them. It didn’t correspond to my true self. 

    Even though I hated expectations, learned behavior required that I keep expectations for comfort sake. So expectations became a big factor in my relationships especially with my spouse. 

   When my spouse did not meet my expectations I allowed myself to fall into disappointment and discouragement about our relationship. With feeling disappointment and discouragement, opened the door for resentful and angry to settle in my head about our relationship.  Read More

Going Through The Spiritual Recovery Stage of Life

When you think of the recovery stage in life, you may associated with business, rehabilitation physically and mentally, and family circumstances. The first thing that pops in my head about recovery is drug recovery.  The reason being is due to me being surrounded by that population in my career field and having love ones go through it. 

   Little did I know, I was going through my recovery stage myself with past heart issues! I had to acknowledged that my trauma occurred ,but it was time to recovery from them. Recovery is a stage to help individuals return to their natural state of health mentally or physically before the dysfunction occurred. For those who have had surgical procedures, pain is apart of the entire process. 

   There is pain in the beginning of the surgery, which is the reason for procedure. There is also pain in the recovery stage after the surgery, which fixes the dysfunction that needed to be corrected. 
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Running From Your Distorted Image

See when you grow up with verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. It’s so easy to wake up to a distorted mirror everyday. Wishing and comparing yourself to others. Wishing you were someone else with hopes that maybe they do not struggle the way you did. 

     You never seem understand to why revealing your true self will ever be acceptable? When you replay the distortion images in your head that you are fat, ugly, unlovable, stupid, a bitch, and nappy headed.  

     Sometimes you are not aware where those images come from, but when good opportunities show up. The images began to pop up again. You began to self- sabotage yourself from things God wants you to have. 

    You began to believe those names that have latched to your image due to trauma. You believe who others say you are because you love them and for some reason value their opinions. You are then faced looking in the mirror constantly staring at a distorted image of yourself.  Read More

5 Ways On How To Shed Old Beliefs: Learning to Let Go

           Letting go is something I have always been reminded by God constantly to do. I was so focused on the action of change that I did not realize that I was still holding on to hurt. I had to give myself credit for having so much energy while I was still holding on to hurtful things and helping others with theirs. 

    Shedding old beliefs can be difficult, but it is achievable. I had a lot of old beliefs that kept me bounded within. The old beliefs made me believe that I could be only what my mind told me what I could be. 

Proverbs 23:7 KJV, states, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.”

      Our thoughts create our reality, which explains why the enemy is after people’s thoughts. When he attacks and mental health issues occur. He has gotten into our thoughts by poisoning them with a negative illusion. Change is a process, but it starts with our thoughts first and foremost.  Read More

Love Repentance: How I Found My True Love Language!

God has a wonderful way of showing us his magnificent way of loving us unconditionally.  His grace for us all is great example.

John 3:16 CEV, “God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die.”

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5 Ways Insecurity Obliterates The Soul

The world teaches us that perfect is the way to be and perfect is who we are. When it comes to insecurities many are not willing to accept who they truly are because it goes against the illusion that has been embedded in us since we were a child. “ That image is everything”.

Insecurities comes from uncertainty, lack appreciation and love for self. It is so easy to fall in the arms of insecurity when our heart is broken. It is also easy to fall in the arms of insecurity when we are filled with bitterness, hate, jealousy, anger, embarrassment, and an unforgiving heart.

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The Crown Effect: 5 Ways To Believe The “I Am” Within

The Crown lays within the soul,but it’s the enduring and learning from your suffering that promotes change. The change within leads to the “Effect”. 

    The crown effect is not about having power and using your power to commit evil! The gifts and the talents that lie within, are meant to be used to promote positivity and bring Glory to the Lord. 

   True power comes from the Lord, who promote your gifts to prosper in life. The promotion of your gifts leads to abundance on Earth as it is in Heaven. True power requires strength, endurance, faith, love, and compassion.  
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4 Steps Of Standing Your Ground

Having the ability to stand your ground in life, whether it’s personal or professional is very important. Standing your ground gives you the ability to protect what is yours. We live in society, where our eyes are deceptive to what is good in this world. We believe that what is good for others must be good for us also. Having that perspective allows us to miss out on what God has for us. Having a perfectionist issue, I use to want good in my life so bad that I would want what others wanted also.

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Signs Of A Heart Wrapped In Barbed Wire

                   I carried a heart wrapped with barbed wire for years. I would tell myself repeatedly that I would not allow my heart to feel pain anymore, so I wrapped it up letting just enough love in to get me by. Since allowing barbed wire to be wrapped was not the essences of my spirit; life gave me more situations and circumstances that would later influence me to capitulate to God’s demand. I walked around with an S on my chest, thinking I was winning against those who wronged me and life.

                  When life left me, I found out that I needed to love to receive what I needed back. Having barbed wire across my heart placed limitations on my mind, body, and soul, but it was also created as a protection for me from experiencing that same hurt I felt previously. I didn’t have room to love God, myself, and others the way I needed too appropriately. I was much like the others in Read More

Who’s Going To Accept Me?

I have spent countless years searching for someone to accept me for who I am. That is where people pleasing came in. I felt that if I gave my all to my relationships with people. I would finally receive the acceptance I always desired in my heart.

After being lied on and facing my name and my character being scrutinized and contaminated in a public work setting for child abuse. My past of childhood trauma of verbal, emotional ,sexual, physical abuse ,and seeing domestic violence threatening my future. I was facing financial issues.

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If You Love Her,Treat Her Well Part 1: Self-Love

If you love her, treat her well. Makes sense when we are talking about being in a intimate relationship, but can we apply that phrase to self ? I would define Self-Love as liking and accepting oneself for who they truly are soulfully.

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The Battle Between The Ego And The Soul

God kept reminding and showing me for years that I was operating in two different dimensions. I could not figure out what the two were until two months ago. He revealed to me that I was battling between the ego and the soul.

Four years ago on Tumblr, I fell in love with a quote that said “ Starve the ego and feed the soul!” It spoke volumes to me. The only problem was that I was unfamiliar with how to starve my ego and feed my soul.

Two months ago, God brought that same quote to me I seen on Tumblr to me again. It helped me remember what I was fighting, and I began to explore the aspects of the two terms.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Ego as the self especially as contrasted with another self of the world. Freud describes the ego to be the psychological component of the personality of a person that’s driven by our conscious decision making. Many would also consider Ego as Pride. The characteristics of Ego are serve yourself, seek gratification, believe that life is a competition, preserve yourself, looking outward for answers, having the feeling of lack, mortal, drawn to lust, seek wisdom, and seek to be filled. The keyword for ego is me. Read More

Regaining My Peace

I’m from Milwaukee, WI like other cities in United States; where peace is an expense rather than a necessity. Having peace is not the norm but blending with the crowd is. The crowd is not in the best shape, but many would rather choose to follow what they see than what they know. The norm is being chaotic and peace is being abnormal. The energy is thick. That same thick energy described is what followed me daily.

Between working, going to school for my masters, completing internship hours, attending to my client’s (youth) needs, planning and facilitating a girl’s group, healing spiritually and mentally, attending to my family’s needs, attending church, trying to stay consistent with my destiny, and attending to my partner’s and I personal tests and trials.

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Her Insecurities: Killing the Family

Women are biologically nurturing and caring, but it is emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial pain that steer women away from our biological instinct. Hurt leads us down a road of bitterness, greediness, stubbornness, selfishness, anger, depression, pride, and envy.
For those who are inspired by us, look for the comfort, nurture, and support that we naturally bring to relationships. When we are not in the position to do so, our incapability to give our gifts leads to those we inspired by us to stray in a direction that leads to more pain and sorrow. Now, we have transferred our same sorrows and pain to those that need us and who are apart our lives.

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5 Different ways to Practice Self-Protection

With so much violence and cruel things happening today, we are all looking for some sort of protection from chaotic around us. Instead of walking in fear, it time for us to begin to take some assertiveness in healthy ways to help ourselves and pray for others until they are ready do so. My favorite saying is, “How do you expect to take care of others when you are unable to take care yourself.”

That is what I call a conviction quote. It is time to stop running and began to deal with pain within as Kings and Queens that you are. We want to protect our families, children, friends, and other love ones who we cherish. While, most of us have a heart of gold; where we will jeopardize our own well-being for others, and I believe the best way to do that is start with self. Most of fail to self-protect, which is protection of oneself. In fact, many of us are unaware how to protect ourselves in a productive and effective manners.

Being once subjected to abuse and violence at one point in my life, I thought violence and abuse needed to be a part of my life, so much that I would feel very uncomfortable when it was not a part of my life. Since I did not the feeling of being uncomfortable I would allow or force violence and abuse to be a part of my life. If it was not others hurting me than I made it my mission to hurt myself with negative thoughts, unhealthy eating, reckless spending, passive boundaries, poor self-care, overworked, overwhelmed, worry, shame, regret, guilt, limited thinking, and self-criticism.

When I was hurt or disappointed by life, I always expect others to protect me; but I forgot the main ingredient of protecting myself. It took countless mistakes and wrongful acts for me to begin to self-protect in a healthy matter. To trust yourself, you need to know that you can protect yourself from harmful things the best way possible. Trust within strengthens your self-worth in your calling, life, and purpose in all areas in your life if you decide to practice it. I came up with 5 healthy and nonviolent tips to help you practice self-protection to boost your self-esteem, self-worth, self-love, and self-care in life.

1.Self-Protect Spiritually 

Spiritually, we must think about our flesh. We must work on not allowing our flesh to lead us in wrongful acts that we know are not fulfilling us in ways necessary. The more you give into your flesh, the more you are bounded to its commands. Remember God is your higher power, who direct, guide, instruct, and inspires to do the things he needed us to do. When you are led by your flesh, you have no room for God to grow in your life. You must get to the point, where we began to protect ourselves from negative energy or drama that we chose not to conform you.

We can communicate with others, but we do not have to associate ourselves with their actions in the name of being a friend. Prayer is the way to protect us from the unseen or unknown. Self-awareness and trusting our intuition is what saves us from issues that we do not have to deal with. The more you lean not on your own understand and more on your intuition, in which the Kingdom of God communicate with you through. You will be able to protect yourself from situations, circumstances, and people; who do not have our well-being in their best interest.

2.Self-Protect Against Your Thoughts

Many never take in the consideration that what we consume as far as the news, television shows, media, and conversation all have effect on our thoughts. The funny thing I always hear from others pertaining to the news is that they agree that it is negative, but they feel obligated to watch it because they need to know what is going on around them. As if their intuition and instincts are not enough. We must be careful not to let outdated traditions and customs to control and limit our thinking. It is not saying those customs and traditions were wrong, but they served a purpose at certain moment in time, in which applying those same customs and tradition may not be as influential as before. Whatever we believe in become a part of who we are.

Sometimes whether we agree with it or not. If we believe it manifests. Our thoughts control many things in our lives, which is our healthy, perspectives, actions, behavior, and motives. Many may agree with the quotes that says you are what you think. The best way to practice self-protection with your thoughts is not allowing yourself to be subjective to anything or anyone that disturbs your thoughts that makes you anxious, fearful, or produce overstimulating thoughts.

The interest thing is that many tend to indulge in negative conversations and the media as a sense of connecting with others, but I am here to tell you that there are different ways to connect with others without indulging into things that promote hate, shame, fear, lust, and scrutiny. Your mind is what you feed it, and you are what you believe in. Make sure that your practice self-protection by being proactive in choosing in what you believe in and what is worthy of your attention.

 3.Self-Protect Against Your Emotion

Now, our emotions are a great indicator to teach you what needs to be healed within, so never ignore them because they are significant. I am a fan of emotions, but I am not a fan in allowing your emotions to make decisions for you. I have made countless mistakes of always letting my emotions to create a check for me that I was not ready to cash. Basically, I was not ready for consequence that came with allowing my emotions to control me. Have ever had someone dump their emotions on your and you are left feeling the way they were. I explained in my previous blog post, “Being Mindful of the Energy You Give out.” Our emotions are energy.

We must practice self-protection by being empathic towards others without carrying other emotions as our own. The right way to empathize with others to be present with them in that moment, but detach ourselves or let go. We can pray and we still connect with others, but you must self-protect your feelings so you will not spread those emotions over to anyone else around us. I must practice self-protection with my emotions all the time working with clients.  I allow myself to be present with them with their stories, but send out light to them. Empathize does not mean you have the same reaction as the person telling you the story; but you allow yourself to connect with that person, while practicing active listening and encouragement.

4.Self-Protect Against Your Body (Physical)

Your body is your temple, which means we need to take more consideration in what you place in our bodies. I have struggled with eating the rights foods and staying consistent with it for a while now. It took me to develop illness for me to understand the importance of feeding your body the right foods to fight disease and not allowing food to contribute to my disease. Our body are meant to have natural energy without energy drinks or coffee. We are supposed grab energy from the food we eat.

I noticed the food I enjoyed eating was not giving me the proper nutrition or energy I needed.  I was either bloated, moody, or feeling swollen with water weight. Self- protection is protecting yourself from diseases and illness, many of us think that we must deal with diseases or certain physical health conditions. I know a healer name Jesus and I also know that God placed things here on earth to help heal us or cure us without side effects. I am working hard to try to improve my physical being by becoming self-aware and watchful of what I eat. Self-protection is getting rest also, which will eliminate anxiety, depression, and compassion fatigue. Your body was meant to prosper, but self-protection is also knowing and recognizing what works for you.

  1. Self-Protect Your Finance

Self-protection is figuring out what you are aiming to have in life as far as money goes. Are you ready to open a business or began a hobby? Maybe you want to save for emergency fund? I have learned the hard way that gaining something requires something else in your life to leave. Budgeting and being persistent with budgeting is something the best way to help you get something better in the long run. When you are working for your higher purpose and your family’s you have nothing to lose, but you will gain so much more. Self-protection in you finance is letting go an expense you know you can either do yourself or do without? I had to decide if I wanted to continue to be only a consumer the rest of my life. Self-protection in your finance is saving, budgeting, and figuring out priorities (Needs or wants).

Self-protection requires courage, assertiveness, self-love, and self-worth to understand that you deserve better and whatever God says is better for you. What works for me will not work for the next person and vice versa, which is okay. I must begin to love ourselves in the way, where we self-protection against anything less than what we deserve. These steps require us to be more proactive in that will strengthen, heal, and develop us in ways we never envisioned. Self-protection is not just taking marital arts, self-defense classes, or carrying a weapon for protection. There are many other healthy ways, where we can make the choice to decide to do something positive (shining our light on others).

2 Thessalonians 3:3 (NIV), “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” That is all the self-protection you need when you are covered.